Focus On The Good Podcast
Welcome to Focus on the Good — a podcast for women ready to build a life and business rooted in purpose, passion, and peace.
Hosted by Mackenna Dugan — 6-figure elopement photographer, mama of 3, and soulful entrepreneur — this show is for creative women, mothers, and dreamers who want real talk on motherhood, mindset, and starting (or scaling) a passion-based business.
Expect solo episodes, raw personal stories, and grounded tools to help you stay inspired, aligned, and focused on what truly matters.
Subscribe to join a growing movement of women doing life and business differently — with heart, vision, and a whole lot of grace.
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Focus On The Good Podcast
How Grief Became My Teacher: Learning to lead, love, and coach with faith
What if the hardest seasons of your life became the clearest roadmap for how you lead, love, and work? That’s the heartbeat of our conversation with coach and club owner Sam Lane, whose story threads faith, sport, and grief into a grounded approach to parenting, mentorship, and entrepreneurship.
Sam grew up in a small desert town with two athlete parents and a house full of balls. She met her husband on the court, now mentors girls on the sand, and recently bought the only exclusively beach volleyball program in Las Vegas. We explore why sports still matter after high school, how two-player beach volleyball forces elite communication, and why she ends practice with breathwork to train teens to downshift from fourth gear. Her coaching isn’t just drills; it’s a blueprint for life skills—honest feedback, preparation, resilience, and the ability to reset after mistakes.
We also go deep on loss. Sam lost her dad quickly to melanoma and her mom after a twenty-year battle with cancer. She explains pre-grieving, living in fight-or-flight, and the strange relief of finally setting the backpack down. That space brought new presence to her marriage and kids, informed the decision to buy the club, and sharpened her boundaries around time and energy. When emotions try to take the wheel, she moves them to the passenger seat and returns to facts, scripture, and fresh air.
If you’re navigating change, building a team, or craving a healthier relationship with competition, you’ll find practical tools and real hope here—communication habits, recovery rituals, and a faith-first way to keep what matters at the center. Listen, share with a friend who needs encouragement, and subscribe to catch the next conversation.
What do you think the legacy that your mother left behind for your family is?
SPEAKER_01:Faith. I would say both my parents, that's the only way that we get to see each other and be reunited again, is if we have faith. I think her faith and the way that she had such a ridiculously strong mindset. Battling for 20 years, because we all know that when we physically don't feel good, it's so easy for our mental to slip. Her strong mindset, the gratitude that she had, no matter what, her strength was never her own. Her strength, she said, came from God. And so I think modeling that is the most important thing that I can do for my kids because I know that I wouldn't have survived my grief or been able to be the person that I am now, having lost both of my parents so young. I could be really angry, but when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. We have to continue to be positive and put our trust that the story's not finished and Jesus knows how to write it for us, and our trust is in him. And when we do that, it allows me to put the backpack down and not carry the weight to know that somebody else is in charge of a bigger picture and a bigger plan.
SPEAKER_03:I am your host, McKenna, and joining me today, we have Sam Lane. She is a really good friend, family friend of ours. My husband has known her husband since high school and have been best friends forever. Um so yeah, our she has two boys. Um, she's a mother and a wife. She's played volleyball since she was about six years old, right? And she has also been the director of the Las Vegas Beach Volleyball Club for the last two years. And just recently, as of August this year, owns the only exclusively beach volleyball program in Las Vegas.
unknown:True.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So really into sports. You have always been, right? And your parents were both collegiate athletes. Yep. So what sports did they play?
SPEAKER_01:My dad played football mostly, but football and basketball. Went to Cal Poly and played all four years. And then my mom played volleyball at USC. And both my parents after college came home and then were coaches for us in our small desert town. Oh, that's for you and your brother. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:That's awesome. And you 29 Palms is where you grew up, right? Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_01:And how far away is that from here? Uh, two and a half hours, just through the desert. And just it's a smaller town, right? Small town, close to Joshua Tree. Um, I don't know the population anymore, but it feels like you go home and anytime you go to the grocery store, you see somebody you know.
SPEAKER_03:I love that. That's so cool. I honestly, I mean, so much of like what we have here, like my business and everything thrives in Vegas, obviously, is the wedding capital of the world, but there's something so special about a small town, and I really do see myself and Jonathan and I living in a small town one day.
SPEAKER_01:Like it's a must. I think it's yeah, the community there. I've have friends from high school that I still feel close and connected to, and I haven't seen them in almost 20 years. Yeah. So, and you go off out there like often? Yeah, we try to. I would say, I don't know, once a month, once every other month. That's nice. Because it's so close and it's just quiet and secluded and right.
SPEAKER_02:And it's like home. I love that. Definitely home.
SPEAKER_03:Um, so talking about your parents both being collegiate athletes and they've like inspired you to dedicate so much of your life to sports. What about sports continues to inspire you to chase after it for yourself? Because a lot of people, you know, like give up sports and you get out of high school or get out of college and they like never come back to it. Um, and you've continued to like bring that into your boy's life as well.
SPEAKER_01:I think because my husband and I both, that was our connection. We met playing volleyball. And because of our mutual love for sports, it was just kind of a given that we like to be physical in our household. There's always been a bucket of balls in the corner of whatever room, and they'll pick it up and throw it. And I mean, they've been doing that since they were babies. And I did that when I was a kid too. And I feel like it's just it's a good, healthy physical outlet, but it's also a really great way to build community and connection with people. And so I see it from both angles, being the athlete myself, but also the coach. I don't have anything bad to say about sports.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, for sure. We got our boys recently involved in karate, which is like a different type of sport. But um, what I've loved about it the most is the life skills that they teach. And I think just like with any sport, um, when you really embrace it fully, like it teaches you how to be a good teammate, how to be a good like leader, how to be a friend, how to like step back and allow someone else to lead. Like there's just so many things that are involved in sports that actually apply to life. For sure. Um, so that's really cool that you continue to embrace that.
SPEAKER_01:And talking about that a lot with the girls that I coach and just the communication aspect of it, specifically in beach volleyball, I like there's only two of them. And so the more you communicate, the better success you usually have. And I say it all the time: the better communicator you learn to be now, you'll be better for your future husband, for your friends, for your family, all the things. So yeah, there's so many life skills that I feel like I pull from sports daily.
SPEAKER_02:For sure.
SPEAKER_03:Um, how do you approach coaching your team? What are your priorities? And of course, the goal is to grow and get better at your craft, but what are you hoping your team takes away at the end of the season?
SPEAKER_01:I would say I've been blessed to have some really good mentors and coaches throughout my career. I would hope that some of those girls would feel like I'm a mentor that they can rely on even after they're done with high school, you know. Um, I have quite a few girls that will go and play and then come back in town and, you know, we're friends for many years to come after. And so I would just hope that the key takeaway is that what we do off the court matters more, but what we learn and the effort that we put in together and the the work and the struggle and all the things, that that just brings us closer together. But yeah, it's really about the life skills and the things that they need to do to thrive and become good people. Because I have a lot of parents even that come to me that are like, can you help me with the recruiting process or what's your suggestion or what's your input? Or can you know? And it's always about this is an avenue that can lead you to different places, sure. But really, you know, life is so much more than just what we do with with our sport, you know what I mean? Yeah. So where do we end up and and ultimately what kind of people are we becoming through the process? And I think who you surround yourself with is extremely important.
SPEAKER_02:So yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03:I'm sure that teaches, like when you're you're building that community within your team, it teaches the girls to like look for the right type of friends and involve themselves in the right type of communities and how to treat each other. Definitely. Yeah, yeah, it's really important. I love sports. I um was never a big sports gal myself. Like I enjoy the camaraderie, like I enjoy everything that has to be. I mean, and I like to be physical. I'm actually a very physical human, but yeah, I've always done like dance or yeah, um, like hard workout classes. I do bar.
SPEAKER_01:I love bar. I love bar too. It's tiny movements, but really, really intense. Impact.
SPEAKER_03:It's like these small muscles, these micro movements that you're like, oh my gosh, I didn't even know that muscle existed. I took Jonathan to a bar class one time. Yeah, he loved it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Way to make him feel like, yeah, when you're not lifting heavy weights, you can still find fatigue pretty quick in a lot of these movements.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, for sure. Well, I I like embarrassed him because I introduced him like to my teacher at the beginning, and I'm like, hey, Mary, this is like my husband Jonathan. And so she like called him out during class and she was like, Are you? He's like, Are you kidding me? Like, why would you do that? But it was so funny. And at the end, she went up to him and he was like, She was like, You're a natural. Yeah. And I'm like, Well, he's he's an athlete. Yeah. Um, but he's always been an athlete. He was obviously really successful in all the sports he did. But he recently, a year, a year and a half ago, which you know, he started pickleball.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And it's been life-changing for him to be able to like be involved in a team sport again, to move his body, to like feel like he's getting to work and like learn new skills in something. And it's been, it's literally been life-changing for him. And so that was something that I actually wanted to talk about was a lot of people, because they drop sports when they leave college or they leave high school, and they're missing that like team aspect. They're missing this like desire and this will to kind of push themselves a little bit further. Um, and then when you know, that happened at Jonathan. And when he found it again, he was like, Oh my gosh, this is what I've been missing. Um, like, what are your thoughts around people who really spend like all of their like childhood chasing after this goal? And then all of a sudden college is over, high school is over, and then they don't have that anymore.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Is that a big struggle for people? It was for me for sure. And I I have a lot of other friends from college that have gone through the same thing. Like we, you know, as people, we're always growing, right? If we're not growing, then we're dying. So it is, it's this transition. And for me, it was the learning to embrace like I can make my own choice and I'm capable of making my own choice, and I can still have aspects of my life where I am finding a healthy outlet to be competitive. I think that was it for me. It was like I missed competing. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so the competition side of things as an adult, yeah, it's like you go to a rec league and they're like, whoa, this is calm down. This is just a, you know, rec league or whatever. But I think when you find your your niche and you can, you know, everybody shows up because it's like therapy. You're there to move your body, to sweat, to have community, to clear your mind, to do all of the things, but also you gravitate towards the level that's necessary to challenge you, right? And to be challenged by, but then also to find that competition that's healthy. You know what I mean? Because I think for a lot of us, it's I mean, iron sharpens iron kind of a thing, you know what I mean? Where it's like, I need somebody that's challenging me, I want to challenge them, and then we don't lose, it doesn't fizzle out, you know what I mean? We still have that interest where we're like, you know, we want to win, we wanna, we wanna play, we want to compete. Well, gives you a healthy avenue to be competitive. Uh, good communication skills. Yeah. Right. So I feel like a lot of us as adults, when we start to communicate um just openly, you know, and when we also have a mutual understanding of like, okay, everybody in this group wants to win. We wanna, we're here for the same things. We have like-minded goals. We're trying to move our body, do the things like I said. Um, but I think it is, you know, you have to have relationships with the people off the court a lot of times in order to make sure that they understand like you're there to be competitive and not malicious and not have ill will towards anybody else and not be self-seeking or self-serving, like you know, not wanting all this glory and whatever. It's just I want a healthy opportunity to compete because I want to do well. It's not because I'm trying to step over people or step on people.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, it comes back to those like teaching those life skills. What age group are you teaching right now?
SPEAKER_01:Typically, because you have to have, in order for it to be fun, you have to have some success. And so when they're too young, it's difficult to kind of find ways to we can always modify and and build basic skill, but the game itself with volleyball, it's three contacts before it goes over the net. And so, in order to kind of build that skill, we have to have um foundations, and so I would say eight years old is probably the youngest that I would take. And then we would do just foundations for a year or two, build the skill. But everything, it's so fun at that age because once they have the foundation, things can go really quickly after that, you know. Um, and obviously, you know how much your body can change as a child from eight to 12 years old. I mean, there's huge growth, and so it's really fun to focus on that age group. I would say the mental side of the game for me more so, and some of the physical things is in that high school age range. And so I really like to focus in on the mental side of things too, making sure that they're understanding, making sure that I say things in different ways because different athletes respond differently to different things. Um, so there's those two groups, and then I also do adults as well. So, but that's mostly just if somebody finds, you know, three or four of them that they want to get together, then we'll put something together and do it a couple times a week. Right now I'm doing a couple women on Wednesday morning. So cool. That's nice to provide a space for like the people who maybe did volleyball when they were younger to still be able to get out and and they want to, you know, they'll play in a B league, but they're like, I really want to play in an A tournament this year. And so they do have a goal and they're willing to, you know, put in a little bit of work to get to the next level. Right.
SPEAKER_03:So when you're working with high schoolers and you're obviously coaching them volleyball, but you know, we're talking a lot about like life skills and the life skills that, you know, go hand in hand with sports. So specifically for those teenage, like young women, like you know, they have some of the most difficult times in the society and the world that we live in right now. Yep. Um, do you find that having the element of like a team and like you being their mentor, as you've said, um, being really helpful for them to and like other aspects of their life?
SPEAKER_01:For sure. I mean, I've had a lot of girls that well, well, a couple things. I've had lots of them that have come and reach out to me regarding things outside of volleyball, which I'm always grateful to be that listening ear for anybody because I had so much of that as a kid growing up. Um, but I think specifically with our practice, what we try to do is have high expectations that when we show up to practice, we're there to work together, we're there to move our body to to struggle and and challenge each other a little bit, struggle in a good way. We're gonna work hard, we're gonna condition, we're gonna do the things we need to do to get better. Um, and that's a big part of our club, is like we do this together as a team and we are doing it with the same goal that we want to be one of the best conditioned clubs in the program, you know, in the in our division. Right. So um, but beyond that, I would say after practice, it's always really important to me that we talk about we don't want to leave practice where we're working, working, working, and we ramp up to fourth gear and we're bouncing from fourth to second to third in these different drills and our minds are working and our bodies are working. When we wrap up at the end, I love to play at the end, but I don't want to play right up until the last second, and then we have to hustle and break down and then we head out. So, a new practice that I kind of learned from another club that I went and shadowed this year is that we stop five minutes early so that we can be intentional and do a little bit of breath work together. Cool. Because I feel like it's just my recognition and I'm, you know, a victim to the world and how fast it moves and all of the things. So when we're working really hard, that's great. But if we don't train our bodies to know what to do when we are working really hard, how do we teach them on the flip side of that with their mind? How do they come back to the present moment? You know, so I make them close their eyes, we do box breathing, and then sometimes I'll ask them a question. A lot of times I just ask them to focus on where they're at. We'll take a knee or we'll sit in the sand, right? Because I coach sand volleyball. So we'll sit in the sand and just kind of outside, it's either the sun is up or the sun is down, so it's warm or it's cool. Like talk to them about their senses to kind of really just focus on where we're at and be a little bit reflective on the day. It's kind of like sealing the practice before they head home so that they hopefully don't go home in that fast hamster wheel mode, like we all can, you know, start to fall into.
SPEAKER_03:That's huge. Yeah. Um, I've never really heard of anybody like, well, I'm sure a lot of people do. I've just never really, I guess, talked to people who coach um high school students in sports, but making sure that they have the tool to come down and to be able to bring them back into their body is so beneficial. Um, and it makes a lot of sense. I wish they were doing that for us when we were in high school.
SPEAKER_01:I know. I feel like it wasn't as uh, I don't know. I mean, I'm sure everybody does their own things, but it wasn't, I don't know. The mental side was taught in the competitive side of things, but not so much in the self-awareness and the slowdown things and the slowdown and the where are we at, you know, kind of thing.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I mean, as a society, things have continued to move so quickly and so fast pace. But I think that we're also waking up to the fact that we need to have tools to bring us back into our body too. For sure. So that's great that you're teaching that to the girls. Do you ever like tell them that this is a practice that you can use in any moment of their life when they're feeling stressed?
SPEAKER_01:For sure. Yeah. We talk about different things. And a lot of times I'll make notice of like, you guys have already gone to school all day today. You know, you've used your mind, you've done all the things. We talk a lot too about um coming to practice prepared to like anything that you brought with you, we come back to it after. So that we're when we're here, we're focused 100% of the time on what we're doing. But also the the physical needs in preparation for practice or for tournaments. That's another thing that we really focus hard on. I've had girls that sometimes they'll, because of the stress of the day, they won't eat enough or they'll just, you know, like we all can fall victim to, get caught up in what's going on. And then we don't really get the max benefit out of the practice because we didn't come prepared to the practice. And so we always start with our workout in the beginning, almost kind of to just we get our heart rate up quick so that we can condition and kind of check the box that we know we're doing what we need to do physically to kind of reset. Um, and then we go to ball work after that. But coming to practice prepared to work is is a requirement. And I feel like a lot of us are working to make sure that we eat enough and drink enough and take care of our needs before that.
SPEAKER_03:So yeah, that's good. Um, do you approach parenting with the same tools you use when you coach?
SPEAKER_01:Hmm, interesting. Uh, parenting is the hardest but most rewarding thing of my life, like most parents would probably say. Yep. Um, I would say certain things, yes. What really challenges me is when I'm trying to coach sports with my own kids, that challenges me probably more than anything else. That's a completely different dynamic, though. It is for sure. Um, but just parenting at home, I would say there's certain things from coaching that I would pull in. Like there's certain things, I mean, if we're good parents, we're good teachers and we're good coaches. That's what being good parents means in my mind. So thankfully I had, you know, both my parents were teachers and coaches. So I feel like I got really blessed in that department. So taking what I learned from them and from, you know, just the different things um where I'm at in life with my own coaching, um, I would say the repetition of certain things is helpful when I'm teaching them to do different things around the house, right? Um but a lot of it is the mental side of things, you know, and so it's the understanding of like why we're doing this. So a lot of times if I have a girl that's not making a change on the court regarding whatever the play is, whatever it is. If I feel like it's physical, we address the physical and I give her the movement that she needs to do different. If it's more like we're playing and there's strategy that's happening on both sides, and I see that she's starting to crumble mentally, then we pause, we time out, and we reflect. So I would say at home, that's probably something that we would do where I'm like, okay, I can see that you're getting flooded. I can see that you're getting frustrated. Like, let's pause and figure out what it is. The hardest thing is that my kids are seven and eight and they're both boys and they are in fourth gear most of the day. So they don't really want to pause and think about how they feel. And I'm like, well, we're not gonna do anything else until we address this. So a lot of times, and it's just repetition because if I do it once, then they know it's like with taking pictures, right? They're like, if I smile and just get it over with, we'll be good. So they're like, okay, I'll tell her what I'm feeling, whatever, so we can kind of move on. And so now they're kind of used to if they're frustrated, they know when I come in and I say certain things, like, okay, she's gonna ask me this. It's like, yeah, I'm frustrated because he's touching me or I'm whatever. So I think there's some overlap with coaching and and my parenting style for sure.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, it would only make sense. I was just curious, like, if you ever like correlated the two and just been like, oh, okay, I'm using coaching techniques right now.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I mean, I always I tell my husband that all the time. I'm like, we have to be good teachers and we have to be good coaches. So it depends on what skill are we trying to teach or coach them. And then we kind of make our plan and go from there. The hardest part is just sticking with the plan because it doesn't always work the first no, it doesn't. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And it's harder when like when it's your own child compared to like somebody that you're, you know, mentoring or like they're not your kid, like you're not responsible for them when they leave the court. Yeah, it's different with your own kid.
SPEAKER_01:Uh yeah. And patience is also thinner when it's your own kid. Right. And they don't take you as seriously because you're mom. I don't know anything according to them. I know nothing. So I'm like, okay, those boys are so cute.
SPEAKER_03:What is your favorite thing about being a mom?
SPEAKER_01:Oh man, that's a hard one. I love watching them play sports, obviously, and have successful moments. Um, I would say any success that they have, honestly, just celebrating it with them, seeing them be excited about something. Um and then overcoming obstacles for sure. Yeah, I think overcoming fear in different things or seeing the fruit of the labor on the other side. That's another thing that's kind of hard with boys that are that age. Like I like seeing when they understand that it takes some work and when you put in the work, then it feels really good on the other side.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, kids don't understand like the long-term goals, you know, instant gratification. But so much so, I mean, of our adult life is even like wanting that instant gratification. And it's like mentally challenging to be like, no, it's like I just have to start small and keep going. And there's something waiting for me on the other side, but I have to actually, you know, set boundaries and say no to be able to say yes to this. And those those moments get hard, even as an adult. So I can imagine as a little kid when you're running in fourth gear, you're like, no, I just want the results now. Now, yeah, yeah. And if I don't get it, then I'm not interested in keeping going. So yeah, those are those are good things. And with boys, boys, they're fun. They say they're supposed to be easier later, but we'll see. But they say honestly, now that we have a daughter and she's just so independent, so smart right off the bat, she communicates so efficiently and effectively, like immediately. Like she's not even two, and she speaks in full sentences, like tells me exactly what she wants. And the boys were a little bit more challenging when they were younger. Um, and at that, I mean they still are, but um then they say that she's gonna get harder later, but all the things they say a lot of stuff. Yeah, we'll see for sure. Um, so you've also been married for how many years?
SPEAKER_01:We just had our 11th anniversary last month.
SPEAKER_03:Congratulations. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01:11 years, long time. Feels like yeah, it's that weird, like it went quick, but it's slow at the same time, and we've been through a lot, but it was fast. So you were how old when you got married? Um, it was in 2014. I want to say I was 26. 26. Okay. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Um, and you guys had kids pretty fast after Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:We uh I want to say Casey was born in 2016, so almost two years. Okay, so that's a that's actually not as fast as I thought it was. No, not as bad. Yeah, it was the losing my dad after the wedding, and then kind of taking a year to reset, play some volleyball tournaments and grieve. And then once we were through that process, then it was like, okay, I think we're ready.
SPEAKER_03:Right. And you're, I mean, you've talked a lot about your parents just in general, that they were huge influences in your life and they were so wonderful to you. And that's yeah, amazing that you had such a great childhood and two great parents. Um, so you lost your father after you got married a month, one month exactly after we got married. So, and did you know he was sick with cancer?
SPEAKER_01:So you knew we did, yeah, but it was still fast. I mean, he was really healthy and he was only 53 when he passed, and so so young. Yeah, like football coach, coached basketball, golfed every weekend, could still do pull-ups. I mean, was just super physically fit and found melanoma and then had part of it removed. It was a mole that was on his head, and then um it came back. And as you know, melanoma is really aggressive. And so when it wasn't all the way gone and it had started to spread, it was just because he was so healthy, his decline felt really a lot faster.
SPEAKER_02:Rapid, I'm sure.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And so when he was diagnosed to when he passed, I would say honestly, I know I have a little PTSD. So when I think timeline-wise, sometimes I don't remember great, but a little over a year from start to finish. That's really quick because your mom's journey was very long, the complete opposite. Right. She passed and it was like almost 20 years.
SPEAKER_03:20 years. And she had like an aggressive cancer, or did it get more progressively more aggressive?
SPEAKER_01:She was diagnosed when I was a senior in high school and it was stage four then. And her first doctor told her to go home and get her affairs in order because there was nothing they could do for her. So she actually had it on a scan, and the doctor that was reading the scan missed it. So she went an entire year before it was actually diagnosed. So it was a situation where had the doctor seen it sooner, it would have been caught a lot earlier situation. And so then once she found it, it was stage four and had spread and it metastasized and went into her bone and stuff. Never went anywhere else, just soft tissue and then the bone. But um, she had like high dose chemo and did all the things mastectomy, stem still transplant, like went to City of Hope and they did all of the like cutting edge stuff at the time. And that was actually how I chose the college that I was gonna go to, is because that's where she was getting treatment. So I went to Cal Polypomona to be close to where she was. Um and then went into remission for a little while, my mom did. And then after my dad passed, a month after, actually, the day that I was telling her that we were pregnant with our first son was the day that she told me that it came back. So we hadn't seen each other and I was waiting to tell her in person, and this was in 2015. Sorry, no, early 2016 is when I had told her that Mark and I were expecting to have Casey and she shared her news, and then it was looking back, I appreciate it now because it was like it we got to share this awesome thing at the same time that she had to share that it had come back for her. But at the time it was just hormones and early pregnancy and devastation because it you know you grieve people and there's different stages, but you're never fully over grief, like people have said. I'm sure you've heard people say that before. But the sting of losing my dad, and then having her tell me that, I was like, this is just not fair.
SPEAKER_03:So I can't imagine. Yeah. So with your dad, it all happened pretty fast, and then with your mom, it was a little bit longer of an experience, and you just recently lost your mom. Um April, beginning of April this year.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And so, unless you're saying you're talking a lot about grief, and it sounds like because your parents were so influential in your life and big parts of your life, that grief has kind of shaped your life.
SPEAKER_01:My existence, yeah, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_03:So, what is the difference for you as far as this short-term-term grief with your father compared to this long-term grief with your mom?
SPEAKER_01:I started seeing a counselor about a year and a half ago, and thankfully that was just another thing, God's timing. I'm glad I did because it helped me in preparation for my mom passing after she passed. Um, and so I learned the term pre-grieving. So I pre-grieved her for a long time. So it was like almost the initial when she passed, there was a lot greater relief than there was sadness. And with my dad, it was just like sadness. Yeah. But with the pre-grieving side of things, I feel like it has made this back end side of grief just a little different. It was like I don't know. I had a lot of people in both instances tell me, like, you're handling this so well. Like, what how do you, you know, how do you do, how do you do that? Like, I don't, I can't imagine. And I'm kind of like, well, most of the time I feel like it's God given abilities. It's not me, it's God helping me through it. But a lot of it really is, I think with her and the pre grieving side of things. Now I'm more so like. Learning, I don't know, some of the things that it's like I'm having to unlearn being in chronic fight or flight, if that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. It does. So I feel like I always because I was her primary caregiver and she did spend some time back and forth. And we have family that's been super helpful. Her brother would take her to a lot of her appointments in California because it was just not really possible for me to do it with my kids here. Um but so we did have great support that helped us through a lot of this. But having her do her um treatments here and there and seeing what that looked like and having her live with us and my kids had to see it and experience it, it was a lot of weight that I think I was just used to carrying. And so when I got to kind of set that backpack down, it's almost weird to not have the weight to carry that kind of a thing. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, it's I don't even know how to word this, but you know, because for the last 20 years your mom's been struggling, and it's like the pre-grieving that your therapist explained to you, like that when she passed, of course, it's absolutely devastating, especially with how much she was involved in your life. She lived with you of the things, but there's like this setting the backpack down, this weight that you're able to let go of.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Um, has I mean, have you been able to find like any release uh as far as like just emotionally or yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, I think I I don't know. I I am comparing sometimes my grief with my dad and my grief with my mom. Right. I didn't have kids and I was in my mid-20s, and so learned a lot in that 11-year gap, 10-year gap. Um, and having kids changes you for the better most of the time. So I feel like I this time am not, I'm a little bit more in control of my grief, and I do like to sometimes just be alone in my car or wherever and just kind of cry to myself. Um but finding the relief, I would say, or like the more positive aspects of setting the backpack down have been realizing how much I had to, this is the part that'll get emotional. How much I had to give up for my kids in order to help her was hard. And I didn't, I didn't really, you know, and I wouldn't change it for anything. But I think it's just making me that much more grateful now that I get to be as present with them as I am now, you know? And even with my oldest son, like testing has been hard, and he's in a school that's like very data-driven and academic driven, and my kids are good athletes, but they're also, you know, we want them to be successful adults. We want them to do well, and and when there's a standard, we want to work hard at it. And I didn't even realize, you know, I felt like I was doing all the things that I needed to do or could do to help him, but even just his growth since I've been able to help him more with school is has been really rewarding. So yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Sorry. Apologize.
SPEAKER_01:I'm just grateful for the extra time that I have to be present and show up for my family in different ways where I couldn't be for because it was like a big chunk of the pie, right? If I'm a pie and my husband gets a piece and the boys each get a piece, and my mom had a piece, you know, it just feels like I can give a little more to them now, which is the best part of all of it, for sure.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah. It's beautiful. And you know, your mother and father like raised you and they poured their whole life into you. And so to be able to give her that time.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, and your boys, you know, I I totally understand what you mean, and it's so great that you're able to really be even more present with them now. But they're gonna look back one day and they're gonna remember.
SPEAKER_01:I had a lot of people tell me that that modeling for them the way that I cared for her, is one of the best lessons that I could ever set for them. Absolutely. Just by how we take care of each other and what a family means. Yes. And even the ugly stuff that she had to experience, the hard things, even their experience in seeing her go through that and her decline and the hard parts. And the other part, one year prior to losing my mom, we lost my grandma, who was also very influential in my upbringing. So they, from a young age, have seen and experienced grief in a way that a lot of adults haven't even seen and experienced.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So that's kind of always been my prayer, is just that that experience will help shape them and how they are able to live in this world that's a little bit scary sometimes.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I mean, it hundred, there's no doubt that it will.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And in so many wonderful ways that they're gonna have you to be able to model how to work through those things and actually give them real tools on that life is scary and bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. And like there's it's a wild world out there. Um, and to learn that from an early age, I think is really beneficial to how they're going to approach life moving forward. You know, I came from like a fairly traumatic background, and I wouldn't change any of it for the entire world because I had to learn at a rapid pace of what life actually is and how to be the best version of myself that I can be. And um, you know, you can't understand compassion without understanding suffering.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly.
SPEAKER_03:And it was a blessing. So I think that your boys, you know, as much as like I know as a mom, like my heart, you know, mourns for you feeling like you didn't weren't able to give them everything the first, you know, few years of their life because you were giving so much of your pie to your mom. But I promise you, like I know the end result is beauty and abundance and more love than you can ever imagine for your family and for your boys, and to really understand what that means.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, for sure. I appreciate you saying that.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, you're a really good coach, you're a good teacher, a good mother, a good model. Like, I just appreciate you, I think very highly of you. That's why I wanted you on today. Yeah. I appreciate you. A really good person. You too, back at you. Um, so what are you going to like? What do you think the legacy that your mother left behind for your family is?
SPEAKER_01:Uh, faith. I would say both my parents, that's like the only way that we get to see each other and be right reunited again is if we have faith. And if we believe that Jesus died to save us, then we get to go to heaven one day, and that's where we get to see each other, you know. And I think that a lot of times, like you said earlier, you have to understand suffering and understand to understand compassion. And I think the more we also understand how we live through life if there is struggle, you know, that's how we get to see what the reward will be at the end. You know what I mean? It's we learn how this world isn't where we want to end up indefinitely, right? This world is fallen and broken and difficult and full of challenges. There's beautiful moments too, but those beautiful moments that we have here are just glimpses of what we get to have in eternity. And so I think her faith and the way that she had such a ridiculously strong mindset, battling for 20 years, because we all know that when we physically don't feel good, it's so easy for our mental to slip. Her strong mindset, the you know, the gratitude that she had, but always, no matter what, her strength was never her own. Her strength, she said, came from from God. And so I think modeling that is the most important thing that I feel like I can do for my kids because I know that I wouldn't have survived my grief or been able to be the person that I am now, having lost both of my parents so young. I could be really angry, I could be all of these other things, but because she modeled for me how it's supposed to be, which is, you know, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade kind of thing. You know what I mean? We just we have to continue to be positive and we put our trust that the story's not finished and Jesus knows how to write it for us, and our trust is in him. And when we do that, it allows me to do things like put the backpack down and not carry the weight, you know, and to just know that somebody else is in charge of a bigger picture and a bigger plan, really. Yeah, it's beautiful. So you bought a business. I did after she passed, yeah, a few months after, right? Four or five months. Yeah. I bought it in the beginning of August and she passed in April.
SPEAKER_03:And it's yeah, it's not just any business, it's a business rooted in everything you love. True. Something that excites you and motivates you. Uh, so I want to know what influenced you to go for it and how did your mom leaving this earth play into having the courage to go after it?
SPEAKER_01:I think I knew that with setting the backpack down or giving, you know, having a little bit more of my pie back to give to other things. Um I felt like it would be good for me because of the relationships that I had already established with this program and these kids. Um, I didn't want to see it go away. And I knew that for me, buying it the year that she passed to me is almost a full circle moment because she's my coach and she's got such a love and passion for community and volleyball and all the things that it taught her and the way that she's been able to mentor other people. And so for me to just kind of carry on a little bit of a little bit of hopefully the legacy that she had in serving other people and and being there to help, you know, anybody who's in need in the volleyball community that wants to come and play and just giving and providing them a space, I feel like it felt like the timing was right, even though in the midst of the first month or two, I was definitely second-guessing myself a little bit. Um, and my husband will tell you there was multiple times where I was like, why did I do this? But um I think getting some of those initial speed bumps and hurdles over with and out of the way. Um it feels like, you know, I'm praying that the business is really gonna be helpful for me in my grieving process, but also in just the future and uh of my well-being and what I want to do with myself, what I want to do with my life. I want to do the things that I feel like I know, which is I've been around good coaches and I've been around good teachers in my life. And I hope that I can use this business to kind of create that space for other people.
SPEAKER_03:You absolutely will. I hope so. You will. What are some of the things about owning a business that you didn't see coming?
SPEAKER_01:Um, I maybe saw coming the financial side of things a little bit. Um there is a little bit of stress with that. So I think I didn't recognize maybe quite the overlap that would lead to certain days, the overwhelm. Um, because I do have grief and I do have being a mom and a wife and the things, and then I do have timing and deadlines and certain things that have to be done on time. And um I was caught off guard by overwhelm a couple of times, but now I think that's another thing where I'm just learning to set the boundaries a little bit. People say that when you own a business, it's 24-7 because your brain never turns off, and it's like true. And but at the same time, I also want to find the healthy boundaries for protecting time with my family now that I have the time to be with them more. Right.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it gives you, I mean, as much as there's deadlines and there's, you know, responsibility, and it is 24-7 when you own a business, you also have the freedom to be able to create your own schedule and to create those pockets of time where you can actually just 100% prioritize your family because you don't work a traditional nine to five. Right. So it's it's definitely new. I mean, when I made the transition from working, you know, I didn't work in nine to five, I worked at five to nine type thing, but it was a transition for sure, learning how to uh create boundaries and like set time blocks, which I'm still not good at.
SPEAKER_02:But it's hard. Yeah, it's not easy.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's especially when you are a mom and you are a wife. And I mean, I know I know you personally, so I know your priorities, your family as is mine. And it's navigating a business and as it grows, it just gets more challenging to make sure that like you are putting your family and your and your marriage at the forefront. And then everything else kind of trickles after because ultimately, like you do have to keep the business running to be able to pay for the family. Yeah, you know, so it's it's a constant balancing act. But I mean, as mothers, I think that that's what yeah, we're best at. We got to get good at juggling. Yeah. So, how do you handle challenges? Um, not just with the business, and I mean, even in your marriage as a mom, what tools do you keep in your back pocket and what studies you and gets you back on track?
SPEAKER_01:For a long time, my mom would be like, You're moving really fast today. Like, you need to slow down. And so over time, I think I have learned through her wisdom, right, that she shared with me. Sometimes I need to get out and go be outside. So that's one thing for sure. That when I recognize that in myself, I can be really overwhelmed in my own house for whatever reason. So that's another area that I'm working on is to try to make certain areas in my house my own safe haven so I don't have to retreat and leave the house. Right. You know? Um, but getting outside, getting fresh air, super important to me when I know that I need a reset or that I'm faced with some kind of challenge because it helps me slow down up here and then I can really kind of think through. Um, and then my pastor the other day said something that was important because I'm recognizing I am, I would say I'm a fairly level-headed person, but I can feel emotions and very deeply and very big emotions. So recognizing when I'm putting my emotions in the driver's seat and putting them in check and being like, nope, you need to, I can feel you, but you need to be in the passenger seat and I need to focus on the facts has kind of been something that's helpful for me recently that I learned.
SPEAKER_03:Um I like that metaphor, like putting them in the passenger seat.
SPEAKER_01:Because it, yeah, I want to give space to feel them. That's great. But I also don't want my life to be dictated by my feelings. I'd rather focus on the facts. And most of the time, the facts are in the Bible because those are the things that are like, you know, if my business ultimately, worst case scenario, I buy this business and it goes upside down and we don't do what we want to do and we end up losing money. The worst thing to come from that is losing the business. And ultimately, does that change my salvation? Or does it change me as a mother? Does it change me as this and that and whatever? No, I feel like the priorities again are we're living life here in hopes to one day be reunited with loved ones in heaven. And so I think when I focus on my faith, getting outside and breathing, those are the facts, and I can kind of move forward from there. A lot of times I also will have things where I'm like, she shared wisdom with me over the years, and so sometimes I'll be like, Oh yeah, I remember she would tell me that, stuff like that.
SPEAKER_03:That's probably feels really good when those moments come up for you for sure.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and that her wisdom is able to move through you, and it's still a living thing, and you get to carry that recognition that I don't have to have it all together, and sometimes I don't, but then I get to remember when she would say these things, and yeah, it does, it lightens the load for sure.
SPEAKER_03:Um, so if you were to go back and uh give your younger self, like ages like 15 to like 22, a big hug and whisper something in their ear, what would you tell her?
SPEAKER_01:Oh man. I mean, it I do feel like everything that I've endured has come with purpose and I wouldn't change it because it's the reason I am who I am today. But I would probably give encouragement in the you don't have to hurry so much. Um and again, just the the the encouragement that we don't always have to carry the stress and the weight and the pace of the world we don't have to fall victim to the surroundings when we can kind of control that inner peace. So to just make sure that you read your make sure you read your Bible and surround yourself with good people and God's got you covered.
SPEAKER_03:That's good. Yeah, you've said a few times that you find yourself going really fast paced. And I know we've talked about fourth career. We've kind of like brought it up a few times about life moving so fast. Um I think that it's so amazing that you've been able to really understand now and teach your girls and teach your kids and really just through the wisdom that your mom has taught you, where she's like, You're moving really fast today, slow down. Like slowing down is one of the best gifts that we can give ourselves, and it's how we can fill up our own cup to show up better for others. For sure. So I'm really glad that in this season of life, that's something that you're I'm not always great at it.
SPEAKER_01:It's because I'm really bad at being really fast sometimes that I've had to learn how to slow down.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, well, sometimes we learn our best lessons through mistakes for sure. Uh so what's next next for you? Obviously, you have the business, um, but what do you hope to cultivate in this next season of life?
SPEAKER_01:Um I don't know. I guess I would say when you started saying that, I was thinking about just connection and time, more time with my husband. I think he also has been through a lot because he was so sweet and generous and kind and accepting of the situation with my mom, and just their relationship was so unique. Just making sure that he gets more of the pie, because I think for a long time it was, you know, God's design is that our relationship with God is most important, and then our relationship with our spouse, and then our relationship with our kids. And the culture today has always got that kind of turned upside down. A lot of times where it's like we're giving so much to our kids that our spouse gets the leftovers. And so just being able to focus on a little bit more quality connection time with him, I would say, and growing this business and trying to live life being content as much as possible. Great. Yeah, those are good things to focus on.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Um, we didn't get to really dive into anything about like your marriage or um, you know, our our really good friend, Uncle Marker. Yeah. Um, so shout out to him. Uh Mark's a wonderful man, and you guys have a beautiful marriage, beautiful family, great kids, and we just really enjoy being your friends and family. Yeah, you guys are awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining us, and uh appreciate it. Yeah. Um really excited to see what you continue to do in your business and uh just excited to continue to be your friend. You inspire me every day. Thank you.
SPEAKER_00:You're welcome.
SPEAKER_03:All right, guys, we'll see you next time. Bye.
SPEAKER_01:Bye.